Sonny LeRay, erratic New Orleans psychic, makes his 2016 predictions

Tuesday, December 29, 2015 by

Each December, Sonny LeRay makes his predictions for the following year. Although his predictions are wrong half of the time, they are also correct half of the time. So here, without further ado, are his 2016 predictions:

A transgender person will become more famous than Caitlyn Jenner.

Bernie Sanders will not win the Democratic nomination, but instead will star in a new cable TV show produced by Larry David.

At the Republican Convention, Donald Trump will appear to win enough delegates to get the nomination, but at the last minute Trump will announce that he wasn’t really serious about being President, and the nomination will be given to Jeb Bush.

Bono, of the rock group U2, will make a solo album of Frank Sinatra songs, and will declare that Sinatra was “a great singer, in my opinion.”

Dick Cheney will make some startling deathbed confessions.

Syrian refugees will not carry out any terrorist attacks in the United States. However, traditional Syrian cuisine will sweep the nation.

Facebook will finally get caught.

Sales of Schizandra berries will skyrocket after Americans discover that it causes your tongue to think it’s having an orgasmic multi-cultural fiesta on steroids.

God will call Jimmy Carter home.

The U.S. Congress will pass a law authorizing the construction of a wall on the Mexican border to keep out illegal aliens, but the project will be abandoned when the company hired to build the wall can’t find any illegal aliens to build it.

An alarming number of people in the world will just give up.

The Chicago Cubs will set a new record by losing their first 39 games, but then go on to win the World Series, consummating the greatest comeback in sports history.

Some Arab-American citizens will briefly be imprisoned for hating freedom.

McDonald’s will make the McRib part of its permanent menu.

The U.S. Congress will pass a law banning rock music, but Americans will just keep on rockin’.

Dick York, who played the “nice” Darren in the classic TV show Bewitched, will be posthumously awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom – the nation’s highest civilian honor.

Every player in the NFL will get at least one concussion.

An ordinary housewife from Texas will beat an armed intruder to death with her dildo.

The Amazing Kreskin will continue to be amazing.

Somebody will reveal a deceptively simple new plan for world peace that nobody ever thought of before.

In the United States, not a single newborn child will be named “Agnes.”

An explosion in the python population will cause hundreds of Floridians to go missing.

Dr. Ben Carson will be named People magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive.”

A company called “False Flag” will strike it rich selling fake American flags.

The War on Christmas will end in a stalemate.

They will finally find out what happened to the Malaysian airliner that disappeared. The answer will surprise you!

A newspaper movie critic will get fired after using the word “sashay” to describe the way John Wayne walked.

As with the presidential election of 2000 between George W. Bush and Al Gore, the 2016 presidential election between candidates Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush will end in a statistical tie, and the Supreme Court will intervene to determine the victor. This time, however, the court will declare both candidates winners, making Hillary and Jeb the first co-Presidents in the history of the United States of America.

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